[ Souji reads the first line and raises an eyebrow. A misfire, maybe? Yuri accidentally sending her murder confession to Souji? Who is he to judge tbh ]
[ But then he reads the rest of the message. ]
[ ah ]
[ he almost doesn't text back. not out of callousness, but out of the knowledge that Souji's not well-equipped to handle the sort of discussion he suspected this was going to be. ]
It was fine at first, to just think of them as coding. Not real. Because they weren't real. But I can't stop thinking about it, now that everything's calmed down.
[ this sort of thing was what normal people felt after killing someone, souji thought. It's not like he had the same dilemma. He wasn't sure if the other Shinsengumi thought the same things either. They hadn't ever talked about it with each other. If Sano or Shinpachi or Heisuke or Saitou or anyone else had a problem with killing, they had shut it up inside of themselves so well that Souji had never noticed. ]
and? what exactly are you thinking about?
that you wouldn't kill them if you had to do it again? that you should have been the one to die instead? or are you thinking something like 'they were fake, but they had people who cared about them' or something equally sentimental
As usual, you're terrible at talking to girls. But somehow I still feel a little better.
[Somehow, it's kind of comforting though. She killed, and yet the word still spins and Souji still says rude things. Well "rude". Blunt, maybe.
When he lays it all out like that, it makes her feel a little...silly? She wouldn't want to kill them if she had to again, just like she hadn't wanted to the first time. But she'd had to, right? If she'd died instead-- Well. That wasn't a good argument to begin with so she disregards that he asked it in the first place.
Probably they didn't have people that cared about them, since they were just bits of code and all. In real life-- In real life... But this hadn't been real life. One day it might be, but for now, was it just easier to push it all down and ignore it? Well sure, maybe, but healthier... Probably not.
Ugh.
What was she thinking about then?]
I don't know. I'm not really thinking any of those things. Should I be? That's probably a more normal response. I've been fascinated with death for a long time. I've seen a lot of people die, in the worst of ways. A dead body is a dead body.
This is just the first time I've been the cause. It's weird.
i'm surprised. i didn't think you could actually kill someone
[ even though she had more or less expressed her resolve back underground.... rude. It's one thing to hear Yuri say it, and then have her actually do it ]
i can't tell you what you're supposed to feel. but if it's going to bother you so much, then you might as well give up on learning the sword
I didn't think so either. [They both learned something new this day. It was way easier to say 'of course I can kill if my life or the lives of people I care about is on the line!' but to learn she actually had the capacity to follow-through with it...
She didn't think she could do this sort of thing back home. This place, this city, had certainly changed her and she wasn't sure what to think about it.]
No, I won't do that. [Give it up, she means.] I don't want to be someone people have to keep rescuing. Against spirits it's one thing, but I don't think we'll be going up against spirits often enough to justify not learning how to defend myself from other things.
I want to help people. I want to be useful. If having to kill things that aren't monsters [Aka OTHER PEOPLE but she doesn't want to say that outright, because that makes it seem more real] is part of that, then I have to deal with that.
[Honestly the long time before a response made her wonder if he was laughing at her answer, or if maybe she'd... offended him, somehow?? Shocked him?? She didn't know, with Souji.
When she does hear the pings go off, she snatches her device up with more anticipation than she expected from herself and pauses for a few seconds to collect herself before reading the message.
That's...
Hm.
What did she say to that? She kind of hates that he deliberately mentions people (has a feeling that he did do it deliberately because she didn't), but...
She sighs deeply and bows her head, thunking it lightly against her device. He's right (was he?) and it's not what she wanted to hear, exactly, even if she knows that it's a reality she had to face.]
Unfortunately, you're right. [Is it unfortunate because he's right, or unfortunate because she has to admit that it's Souji that's right?? the world may never know.]
I suppose it'll get easier. Or maybe I just have to hope I become numb to it.
[ He can never tell for sure through text, but he did have an inkling that Yuri was trying to avoid saying the word 'people'. And even though it's a shitheaded move, he actually thinks that the truth here is better than... avoiding it. Which is hilarious considering how often Souji avoids his own issues. ]
[ He might be a little worried about her... Yuri doesn't exactly strike him as a Chizuru-type, but still. She clearly wasn't a hardened killer. And killing someone, bearing the weight of someone else's entire life is a serious thing. ]
[ kondou and hijikata had more or less said so, after all ]
you don't want it to become easier. or you'll start killing all the time. then i'd have to kill you
[ even Souji hasn't quite reached that point in his life yet... He's determined not to. also, that second part was totally a joke??? maybe??? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text; oh no yuri
[ But then he reads the rest of the message. ]
[ ah ]
[ he almost doesn't text back. not out of callousness, but out of the knowledge that Souji's not well-equipped to handle the sort of discussion he suspected this was going to be. ]
what happened to pretending they were flies?
text; ThisIsFine.jpg
[Ouch.]
It was fine at first, to just think of them as coding. Not real. Because they weren't real. But I can't stop thinking about it, now that everything's calmed down.
text;
and? what exactly are you thinking about?
that you wouldn't kill them if you had to do it again? that you should have been the one to die instead? or are you thinking something like 'they were fake, but they had people who cared about them' or something equally sentimental
text;
[Somehow, it's kind of comforting though. She killed, and yet the word still spins and Souji still says rude things. Well "rude". Blunt, maybe.
When he lays it all out like that, it makes her feel a little...silly? She wouldn't want to kill them if she had to again, just like she hadn't wanted to the first time. But she'd had to, right? If she'd died instead-- Well. That wasn't a good argument to begin with so she disregards that he asked it in the first place.
Probably they didn't have people that cared about them, since they were just bits of code and all. In real life-- In real life... But this hadn't been real life. One day it might be, but for now, was it just easier to push it all down and ignore it? Well sure, maybe, but healthier... Probably not.
Ugh.
What was she thinking about then?]
I don't know. I'm not really thinking any of those things. Should I be? That's probably a more normal response. I've been fascinated with death for a long time. I've seen a lot of people die, in the worst of ways. A dead body is a dead body.
This is just the first time I've been the cause. It's weird.
I don't know.
text;
[ he's terrible at talking to everyone. ]
i'm surprised. i didn't think you could actually kill someone
[ even though she had more or less expressed her resolve back underground.... rude. It's one thing to hear Yuri say it, and then have her actually do it ]
i can't tell you what you're supposed to feel. but if it's going to bother you so much, then you might as well give up on learning the sword
text;
I didn't think so either. [They both learned something new this day. It was way easier to say 'of course I can kill if my life or the lives of people I care about is on the line!' but to learn she actually had the capacity to follow-through with it...
She didn't think she could do this sort of thing back home. This place, this city, had certainly changed her and she wasn't sure what to think about it.]
No, I won't do that. [Give it up, she means.] I don't want to be someone people have to keep rescuing. Against spirits it's one thing, but I don't think we'll be going up against spirits often enough to justify not learning how to defend myself from other things.
I want to help people. I want to be useful. If having to kill things that aren't monsters [Aka OTHER PEOPLE but she doesn't want to say that outright, because that makes it seem more real] is part of that, then I have to deal with that.
text;
[ a good ten minutes stretch by before Souji replies ]
if that's what you want, then you'll have to keep on killing
[ he could have phrased it a different way maybe, but this is a subject that he doesn’t care to soften. not even for himself. ]
monsters and people and whatever else this place throws at you
[ he'll write the p word out loud for u yuri ]
text;
When she does hear the pings go off, she snatches her device up with more anticipation than she expected from herself and pauses for a few seconds to collect herself before reading the message.
That's...
Hm.
What did she say to that? She kind of hates that he deliberately mentions people (has a feeling that he did do it deliberately because she didn't), but...
She sighs deeply and bows her head, thunking it lightly against her device. He's right (was he?) and it's not what she wanted to hear, exactly, even if she knows that it's a reality she had to face.]
Unfortunately, you're right. [Is it unfortunate because he's right, or unfortunate because she has to admit that it's Souji that's right?? the world may never know.]
I suppose it'll get easier. Or maybe I just have to hope I become numb to it.
text;
[ He might be a little worried about her... Yuri doesn't exactly strike him as a Chizuru-type, but still. She clearly wasn't a hardened killer. And killing someone, bearing the weight of someone else's entire life is a serious thing. ]
[ kondou and hijikata had more or less said so, after all ]
you don't want it to become easier. or you'll start killing all the time. then i'd have to kill you
[ even Souji hasn't quite reached that point in his life yet... He's determined not to. also, that second part was totally a joke??? maybe??? ]
you can kill people and still not like it.